Today I let one of my co-workers in on my Optifast secret. I asked her not to tell anyone else right now, and I am sure that she will honor my wish.
Previously at work I had been known for bringing yummy dishes for lunch that I had either made myself or were made by friends in my "Supper Swap" group. My friend at work noticed that I haven't been bringing those lately and asked me about it while I was holding my commuter coffee mug with Optifast chocolate shake inside. I opened the lid and let her see. She wrinkled her nose in distaste, and I said, "But it's good...it's CHOCOLATE!" and took a sip. I meant it! It's not jambalaya, but it really is good.
She didn't lecture me about starving, or making myself sick, or anything like that. Since it's medically supervised, I think that people are more willing to accept. She did ask, "Don't you get hungry?"
The answer is no. I don't really get physically hungry. The Optifast products contain enough protein to be filling. I haven't experienced headaches, or lightheadedness, or any of those other side effects. Sometimes when I think I'm hungry, I drink some water, and the "hunger" goes away.
Emotionally hungry...now, that's another story. Food to me means love, caring, friendship, creativity, sharing...all those wonderful things that make life worth living. And from here on in, I will need to find other ways to retain those qualities in my life. Instead, food has to mean nourishment for my body. Overeating is not love, it's self-hate, because I've made myself fat and have endangered my life.
The train has pulled into the station. Now is the time to do the emotional work necessary to break this cycle of food addiction and begin life anew.
No comments:
Post a Comment