Week 9, Day 1: Gratitude

I am almost over my cold now; there is a slight residual cough but I'm pretty much back to normal.

Went to my MWM meeting at Kaiser last night. The weight loss last week was not spectacular (1.2 pounds) but my blood pressure read normal! 127/89. That is so amazing! And to think that as recently as late December, my blood pressure was registering over 190.

I've now lost a total of 24.6 pounds. Staying on the plan is hard at times. I yo-yo between enjoying the product (like tonight's raspberry vanilla shake--yumm!) and being truly tired of having no "regular" food.

Today is the birthday of one of my co-workers. Someone brought chocolate dipped strawberries to work. I resisted all day and didn't even look at them. This afternoon, at about three, I went into the break room and saw one last strawberry on the plate. No one was around, no one would have seen me eat it. And it was just one strawberry! One wouldn't hurt, would it? Did I think about it? Yesssss….. Did I eat it? NO! (Did I take a picture of it? Of course!)

Anyway, enough about chocolate-dipped strawberries! Back to last night's cohort meeting.

One of the physicians came in and talked about ways of dealing with challenges and stress without resorting to self-medicating with food. One of her slides said "Food Is Medicine", which contradicts what I just wrote a sentence ago. But the difference is, food is medicine for our bodies. It should not be an antidepressant, or a mood stabilizer, or an antidote to boredom. There are other ways to cope.

We broke into small groups to brainstorm about coping strategies, or what the doctor calls our "Stress Toolbox". Suggestions were: talking to friends and family; taking a walk; listening to (or playing) music; a bubble bath with candles; creating art or doing a craft; spending time with our pets; reading a good book; watching something uplifting on TV, such as a travelogue or home improvement show.

Chocolate covered strawberries didn't make the list. :)

Since I've been on the program I've pondered a great deal about the triggers that prompted me to overeat. I am a big stress eater. When something goes wrong, or if I'm in an uncomfortable place, having something (anything!) to eat will make me feel better, for a few minutes at least. I am teaching myself to pause and think about what is really going on before grabbing some food and mindlessly eating it. And unfortunately, what I would usually grab was junk and empty calories.

Before this program, I would just put stuff in my mouth without even thinking about it! Now that I am ingesting five Optifast products a day, I think about each one, before and during. I think about the taste, the texture, and I space them out enough so that usually I enjoy the experience. I want to take that new habit into transition and maintenance.

Affirmation: Food is medicine for my body. I mindfully eat only what I need, with gratitude, then put the fork and plate away to move forward and live my life.

What strategies are in your "Stress Toolbox"? What can you do for yourself as an alternative to eating for stress release?

Week 8, Day 1: Plugging Along

I went to my meeting last night and, according to Kaiser's scale, I lost 3.1 lbs. last week, or 23.4 pounds on the program so far. Yippee! I do feel a lot lighter and more energetic. I can wear smaller jeans.

At the end of this week we will be exactly halfway through the product-only phase of the program. N, our lovely facilitator, said that this is the time that a lot of participants get really sick of eating Optifast product only and want to eat real food. I am feeling very fortunate that I am not experiencing the challenges and road bumps that many of my cohort members are experiencing. I don't have to cook for a spouse or children and smell the food. I don't travel for business or entertain clients at restaurants. I have no cruises or vacations or weddings or any social commitments that require me to be around lots of food. This program is probably easier for me than it is for a lot of people.

I'm not jonesing for "regular" food; not really. Yes, I occasionally think of steamed veggies, or pizza, or yogurt. If I REALLY REALLY wanted to, I could probably munch on a few carrots or celery sticks, or eat an apple, and not suffer any ill effects. But as N says in class, "It's a slippery slope." If I give myself permission to eat raw veggies, it's a short trip from veggies to a piece of chicken breast to fries at McDonalds. And I don't want to go there.

I want to lose the rest of my weight and put the SMART Skills we are learning into practice. I'll never, ever be able to eat what I want and as much as I want. And that is okay. I'd rather be thin than be full.

SMART stands for:

Set a goal
Monitor your progress
Arrange your world for success
Recruit a support team
Treat yourself

(from the book Living Smart: Five Essential Skills to Change Your Health Habits Forever, by Joshua C. Klapow, Ph.D and Sheri D. Pruitt, Ph.D)

I have the first four nailed down; "treating myself" is a bit more awkward. After all, I'm single with no kids. I am not always denying myself to put my family first. I guess you could say that my life is one big "treat"!  When we talked about this in class, N said that it's more about training ourselves not to use food as a reward for meeting our goals. I can buy that. So I guess that instead of having a cookie or a glass of wine and a piece of brie, I need to find something else to "reward" myself with. An iTunes download? A new e-book for my Kindle? A pair of knitting needles? I'll have to figure that out.

Before the program I didn't really look at food as a "reward", though. For me, food was my stress reliever, drug of choice and comforting friend.

Traffic bad on my way home? I'd have a cookie, or two (or three).
Boss being a pain? I'd wait until after five and pour myself a glass or merlot and cut off a hunk of cheese with it. (Cheese is good for your teeth, dontcha know? Red wine, not so much.)
Lonely at home, no one to hang out with? I'd order a pizza from one of the six pizza places within walking distance of my condo, bring it home and chow down. (After all, if I walk there and walk back, I'm burning off the calories, riiiiiight?)

Reading over this post, I've got a lot to be thankful for, and sometimes I don't realize it. I look forward, not to cookies or wine or pizza, but to being the size I want to be, and having a new, healthier body.

If you would care to share your challenges, or what is motivating you to lose weight, I'd love to hear from you!

Week 7, Day 6: Crafting is my therapy

Funny story: I'm kind of a noob when it comes to blogs and webpages. One of my favorite websites is Craftsy, which is a virtual candy store of online classes, patterns, ideas, etc. for artists and crafters in every medium.

Craftsy sent me an e-mail, suggesting that I place a "badge" on my blog. Several designs were offered, and I chose one that said "Crafting Is My Therapy" with the Craftsy logo on it.  I copied the code and then went into my template to paste it. Easy-peasy, no trouble at all.

When I went to view mode to see how it looked, I was HORRIFIED!! Instead of "Crafting Is My Therapy", the badge said "Cake Is My Escape"!!!

I completely forgot how to navigate back to the template so I could get rid of it, and spent several panicked moments trying to retrace my steps. How would it look to Optifasters to see "Cake Is My Escape"?? Cake is certainly NOT my escape, at least not anymore.

I'll write a note to Craftsy about it, but in the meantime I thought it was kind of a funny story, and a good way to illustrate how my mindset about food has changed these past seven (going on eight) weeks.

I'm starting to feel better, FINALLY. I'm a very bad patient! Illness is so inconvenient. Daylight saving time is finally here and that always gives me a lift. According to my scale (and adjusted for Kaiser's scale) it looks like I'm down 23 pounds since January 21. I visited my father yesterday, who said I didn't look very different, but he is 82 and has glaucoma, so maybe he can't see me clearly. I feel thinner and I see it in the mirror and in my clothes.

This afternoon I'm attending a celebration of life gathering for a friend of mine who died of colon cancer on November 21. I only knew Margaret for four short years, but she was one of the kindest and most gracious people I have ever met. She was loved by everyone who knew her and had tons of friends. Whenever we went anywhere, she ran into friends and acquaintances and they greeted her like a long-lost sister. Margaret bravely fought cancer with courage and grace, and this afternoon will be bittersweet. She is finally at rest and out of pain, but her family and friends miss her terribly. I do look forward to being in a room with lots of people who loved her.

I am reminded that life is so very brief and every day is a precious gift. The guy who coined the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff" nailed it, right on the head.

Here is a little bird I crocheted (designed by Stacey Trock) that reminds me of that very idea:

Week 7, Day 4: The wisdom of illness and the opportunities it presents...

I have been battling a severe cold/flu (take your pick) since last Friday, all the while going to work every day and trying to keep up as best as I have been able, so it's been a tough week for me.

I did go to my MWM meeting at Kaiser on Monday and I lost 3.6 pounds last week, or 20.3 pounds total, since beginning product on January 21. I am feeling it in my clothes and it is becoming easier to move. A couple of people at work have noticed and I am now "out" with my MWM program.

The illness has made me a little bit weak, and I have been struggling to get all five of my products in every day. To be honest, I have only been able to ingest four products most days this week, but as I feel better will make a concerted effort to eat all five. I'm sure I've lost another pound or two since Monday. I haven't been able to exercise as much this week, but I've been walking as much as I can in regular life, and have been getting in 3000-4000 steps at work every day.

There are some advantages to being sick: No hunger! (That's a big plus!) Also, illness has a purifying effect, at least it does on me. It's a pain in the butt, and an inconvenience, and makes me feel like crap, but it forces me to see people and situations as they really are, not as I wish they were. A reality check, so to speak. Those little "aha moments" can be emotionally painful, but they are necessary. And for some reason my clearest emotional moments occur when my body is at its weakest.

Knock on wood…I am fortunate to be as relatively healthy as I have been (especially as overweight as I was and the neglectful way I've treated my body.) As I get older, I suspect it will be harder to shake off these viruses and other things as they arise. I hope I can learn from this week, and if/when more serious illness happens, I can endure it with strength and grace, as some of my friends and family members have done.

Cough, cough! I hope you all are keeping well!

Week 6, Day 6: Hooray for smaller jeans (and closet surfing)

My jeans (which fit me fine a month ago) are now way too big. I can pull them off without even undoing them! And when I sit down or bend over, I don't want to flash everyone in the room. :( Yesterday I went shopping in my closet and found a pair which is a size smaller – they fit great!

I once read a magazine article about the late comedian Jackie Gleason. Those in my generation and older will remember him! The article said he had suits in his closet in varying sizes, all arranged in order, to accommodate his weight fluctuation. I have a walk-in closet filled with clothes from size 8 to 18. Someone said, when I told them about weight loss and new way of life, "You'll have to go shopping for all new clothes!" I can just walk into my closet and find things that I had no idea were there. They may not be the latest styles, but I like vintage dresses, so I'm good to go.

Seeing the results in the mirror and in my clothes are giving me great motivation. I have figured that my scale (and being unclothed) registers about four pounds less than being fully clothed on Kaiser's scale. By that estimation, I have lost about 19 pounds since beginning product.

I'm a bit under the weather this weekend. I have been fighting a cold and sore throat, and the bug appears to be winning. I hope it will stop here and not morph into full-blown flu. The silver lining to being sick is that I'm not hungry at all.

A bit off-topic (but it's my blog and I'm allowed to go off-topic)…I'm reading a wonderful book: The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. I first read it in high school but I didn't have the wisdom to fully appreciate it. If you want to read about life, relationships, faith and reason, pick this one up and give it a try. It's big and challenging, but well worth the effort. If you are an e-book reader, there are freebies online and at the Amazon site. A word of caution: Some of the freebies aren't proofread or very well-formatted and are frustrating to read. For $1.99 on Amazon, you can purchase the annotated and illustrated Garnett translation for Kindle by Petrocast Ebooks. It is very well-edited and is easy to navigate. The footnotes are also helpful.

Week 5, Day 7: If you eat it, write it…and other nuggets of wisdom

Our Kaiser MWM cohort met again tonight after two weeks; it was exciting to see that several people are definitely looking thinner. We are going into our sixth week on product and we've only lost a couple of cohort members*. Most of the group is sticking with the program.

I did my weigh-in, and I'm down 6.1 pounds from two weeks ago. I'm very, very pleased about that. I've lost just over 15 pounds in five weeks on product, averaging about three pounds per week.

The hypertension is decreasing (143/104 today) so the doctor doesn't think I need blood pressure meds as long as I keep losing weight. All of my labs look good, so they say I'm doing fine on the program.

Our facilitator, N, talked about the importance of monitoring our food and exercise. Monitoring=Journaling. We are supposed to keep a journal what we eat, when we eat, and where. N collects our journal pages and looks them over before returning them to us. We are also given the choice of using FitBit or one of the websites like MyFitnessPal to log our food and exercise, as long as there is some sort of printing option.

Since we are eating Optifast only at this stage, it's not too difficult to just write "Chicken Soup" or "Vanilla Shake" in the little boxes. When we start eating "regular" food, and -gasp- MAKING CHOICES! calorie counting can get complicated, so one of those programs will be useful.

So far N hasn't specifically asked us to turn in exercise logs, but I know myself that when I was journaling all my exercise and steps a couple of weeks ago, I was doing pretty well. Last meeting Kaiser had run out of blank exercise log pages, so that was my excuse to slack off and not exercise as much. Bad me! I made sure to grab some extra log pages tonight, and will make photocopies if I run out.

I'm certain that at some point we will be asked to turn in our exercise pages, and as I'm a good little do-bee, I'll have to make sure my homework gets done. :)

Journaling is a very effective tool. I don't want to see a "cheat" on my journal sheet, so I'd better stick to the program! It's nice to see a line of seven days of consistent exercise, so I'd better do my workouts and write them down! I can make all kinds of excuses and justify my behavior ('Oh, man, the sciatica is killing me!'), but if I want this to be the last "diet" in my lifetime, I've got to develop habits that will stick with me forever.

N told us the top two habits of dieters who are ultimately successful (don't gain back the weight):

1. Eating breakfast every day
2. Food journaling

And since I am going to be in the successful group, I'll have to make sure those habits are ingrained into my body and mind.

*Note: We've lost a couple of cohorters to quitting the program, not death! It occurred to me how that must sound!

Week 5, Day 6: Too Many Choices

It's been a few days since I've blogged; there was no weigh-in or class last Monday because of the President's Day holiday, so I'm not sure how many pounds I've lost since the last meeting. My clothes feel looser so I'm sure I've lost a few more. Tomorrow night is the weigh-in and a brief one-on-one session with the doctor, so I'll find out if I'm going on blood pressure meds, or not.

I am finding the Optifast meal replacement plan to be more comforting than restricting. I have my daily routine of shake-shake-bar-soup-shake and rarely vary from that order. There are few flavors of "product" to choose from, so I never go into "choices overload." What I mean by that is having so many options that it boggles my mind and I end up getting "stuck."

Last weekend I was doing chores around the house and there was a marathon on the TLC channel of a program called Say Yes To The Dress.  Now, I'm single and not likely to get married anytime soon, so anything wedding-related usually doesn't grab my attention. However, this program shows brides (young and not-so-young) in a bridal salon, trying to choose a dress with a whole committee of friends, relatives and friends-of-friends (some of whom are straight males -- I can't imagine how interested they would be in wedding dress shopping). At any rate, these poor women are shown so many dresses and bombarded with opinions (solicited and otherwise) that it's enough to provoke a meltdown.

I'm just half-watching it on TV (not in real life) and it's enough to blow off the top of my head. :)

I remember when I got married, back when Ronald Reagan was still president. I went to the bridal shop with only my mother, not an entourage. I described to the saleswoman what I was looking for, and in what price range. My mother, who knew me very well, told the saleswoman, "Show us no more than five dresses. We don't want the bride here to have a nervous breakdown."

I tried on the five dresses and picked the one I liked best. Voila, deal done, over in about half an hour. That wouldn't have made very entertaining television, but it's my style and I'm sticking to it.

That might be what appeals to me about the Kaiser MWM Optifast plan. I don't have to make a decision beyond vanilla or chocolate, chicken soup or tomato. I know that these easy days will eventually end and I'll have to make decisions again, but right now I'm enjoying my "vacation from food." Rather than feeling restricted and deprived, I'm feeling free.

The opposite is happening with my crafting life! Recently I branched out from simply knitting, crocheting and tatting to spinning yarn, and then weaving. This weekend I took a wire working class through the crafting group I belong to. If I'm not careful, it's bound to be another obsession of mine…

Sometimes I long for the days when I just sat down and knitted a simple scarf. So many choices, not enough leisure time!

If anyone out there is reading this…do you get bogged down by too many choices? Or do you enjoy having as many options as possible?