Week 11, Day 1: Thirty pounds released into the wild

I've been a very bad blogger. Week Ten got past me and I didn't make an entry. Nothing much really happened, EXCEPT LOSING 3.6 POUNDS! Bwahahahaha! April Fool!

It's official…I'm now 30 pounds closer to my goal. I'm very pleased about that.

On a sadder note: Our Kaiser cohort group has become very tight and we all try to support each other. A couple of people have left the program for various reasons. One of our cohorters had to leave the program this week, as she has been diagnosed with a serious illness and must start intensive treatment right away. This news hit us all very hard. It is a somber reminder that everything is temporary; nothing is static.

I hope and pray for a miracle -- that our weight-loss friend will be fully cured and able to resume her MWM program next year.

I'm getting used to consuming the meal replacement "products". They are my comfort food, in a way. Most of the others are looking forward to being allowed to have "real" food, but I would be very happy  to stay on product indefinitely. It has become my security blanket. We start transition in four weeks, and I need to really look at why I'm clinging to my product. Part of it is laziness…there is nothing easier. No grocery shopping, no decisions to make, nothing to do but add water and stir (or blend).

Being on product and not obsessing about food gives me room in my life for other activities. Like walking! Like movies! Like crafts! I'm signed up for two knit-alongs and one crochet-along for the month of April. Yes, I'm crazy. That is a lot of projects, in addition to a full-time job and other things to do.

The other part is: I'm losing weight. I don't want to put myself in a place where I might slip, or eat something I shouldn't. If I stick to product I can't go wrong. "Real" food is still a minefield for me.

I might have mentioned this before, but I was told that we could opt for an eight-week transition, as opposed to four. A lot of participants are excited to wean themselves away from product because purchasing the products is an additional expense alongside the family grocery budget. But because I live alone, the product replaces my groceries, and cost-wise it's not that much different from when I was cooking and buying food.

So I am hoping that they will okay an eight-week transition for me. Maybe that way I'll be able to prolong the weight loss mode and get close to my goal before having to eat food again.

I have a lot more to say, but it's late and I need to get up early for a 7:15 a.m. meeting at work. Two cohorts ago our group talked about personal responsibility (a favorite topic of mine). Yes, I made myself fat. Not my parents, not my exes, not my boss, not Presidents Bush or Obama.

I eats the food, I pays the price.

More on that enlightening topic next time! :)

Week 9, Day 1: Gratitude

I am almost over my cold now; there is a slight residual cough but I'm pretty much back to normal.

Went to my MWM meeting at Kaiser last night. The weight loss last week was not spectacular (1.2 pounds) but my blood pressure read normal! 127/89. That is so amazing! And to think that as recently as late December, my blood pressure was registering over 190.

I've now lost a total of 24.6 pounds. Staying on the plan is hard at times. I yo-yo between enjoying the product (like tonight's raspberry vanilla shake--yumm!) and being truly tired of having no "regular" food.

Today is the birthday of one of my co-workers. Someone brought chocolate dipped strawberries to work. I resisted all day and didn't even look at them. This afternoon, at about three, I went into the break room and saw one last strawberry on the plate. No one was around, no one would have seen me eat it. And it was just one strawberry! One wouldn't hurt, would it? Did I think about it? Yesssss….. Did I eat it? NO! (Did I take a picture of it? Of course!)

Anyway, enough about chocolate-dipped strawberries! Back to last night's cohort meeting.

One of the physicians came in and talked about ways of dealing with challenges and stress without resorting to self-medicating with food. One of her slides said "Food Is Medicine", which contradicts what I just wrote a sentence ago. But the difference is, food is medicine for our bodies. It should not be an antidepressant, or a mood stabilizer, or an antidote to boredom. There are other ways to cope.

We broke into small groups to brainstorm about coping strategies, or what the doctor calls our "Stress Toolbox". Suggestions were: talking to friends and family; taking a walk; listening to (or playing) music; a bubble bath with candles; creating art or doing a craft; spending time with our pets; reading a good book; watching something uplifting on TV, such as a travelogue or home improvement show.

Chocolate covered strawberries didn't make the list. :)

Since I've been on the program I've pondered a great deal about the triggers that prompted me to overeat. I am a big stress eater. When something goes wrong, or if I'm in an uncomfortable place, having something (anything!) to eat will make me feel better, for a few minutes at least. I am teaching myself to pause and think about what is really going on before grabbing some food and mindlessly eating it. And unfortunately, what I would usually grab was junk and empty calories.

Before this program, I would just put stuff in my mouth without even thinking about it! Now that I am ingesting five Optifast products a day, I think about each one, before and during. I think about the taste, the texture, and I space them out enough so that usually I enjoy the experience. I want to take that new habit into transition and maintenance.

Affirmation: Food is medicine for my body. I mindfully eat only what I need, with gratitude, then put the fork and plate away to move forward and live my life.

What strategies are in your "Stress Toolbox"? What can you do for yourself as an alternative to eating for stress release?

Week 7, Day 6: Crafting is my therapy

Funny story: I'm kind of a noob when it comes to blogs and webpages. One of my favorite websites is Craftsy, which is a virtual candy store of online classes, patterns, ideas, etc. for artists and crafters in every medium.

Craftsy sent me an e-mail, suggesting that I place a "badge" on my blog. Several designs were offered, and I chose one that said "Crafting Is My Therapy" with the Craftsy logo on it.  I copied the code and then went into my template to paste it. Easy-peasy, no trouble at all.

When I went to view mode to see how it looked, I was HORRIFIED!! Instead of "Crafting Is My Therapy", the badge said "Cake Is My Escape"!!!

I completely forgot how to navigate back to the template so I could get rid of it, and spent several panicked moments trying to retrace my steps. How would it look to Optifasters to see "Cake Is My Escape"?? Cake is certainly NOT my escape, at least not anymore.

I'll write a note to Craftsy about it, but in the meantime I thought it was kind of a funny story, and a good way to illustrate how my mindset about food has changed these past seven (going on eight) weeks.

I'm starting to feel better, FINALLY. I'm a very bad patient! Illness is so inconvenient. Daylight saving time is finally here and that always gives me a lift. According to my scale (and adjusted for Kaiser's scale) it looks like I'm down 23 pounds since January 21. I visited my father yesterday, who said I didn't look very different, but he is 82 and has glaucoma, so maybe he can't see me clearly. I feel thinner and I see it in the mirror and in my clothes.

This afternoon I'm attending a celebration of life gathering for a friend of mine who died of colon cancer on November 21. I only knew Margaret for four short years, but she was one of the kindest and most gracious people I have ever met. She was loved by everyone who knew her and had tons of friends. Whenever we went anywhere, she ran into friends and acquaintances and they greeted her like a long-lost sister. Margaret bravely fought cancer with courage and grace, and this afternoon will be bittersweet. She is finally at rest and out of pain, but her family and friends miss her terribly. I do look forward to being in a room with lots of people who loved her.

I am reminded that life is so very brief and every day is a precious gift. The guy who coined the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff" nailed it, right on the head.

Here is a little bird I crocheted (designed by Stacey Trock) that reminds me of that very idea:

Week 7, Day 4: The wisdom of illness and the opportunities it presents...

I have been battling a severe cold/flu (take your pick) since last Friday, all the while going to work every day and trying to keep up as best as I have been able, so it's been a tough week for me.

I did go to my MWM meeting at Kaiser on Monday and I lost 3.6 pounds last week, or 20.3 pounds total, since beginning product on January 21. I am feeling it in my clothes and it is becoming easier to move. A couple of people at work have noticed and I am now "out" with my MWM program.

The illness has made me a little bit weak, and I have been struggling to get all five of my products in every day. To be honest, I have only been able to ingest four products most days this week, but as I feel better will make a concerted effort to eat all five. I'm sure I've lost another pound or two since Monday. I haven't been able to exercise as much this week, but I've been walking as much as I can in regular life, and have been getting in 3000-4000 steps at work every day.

There are some advantages to being sick: No hunger! (That's a big plus!) Also, illness has a purifying effect, at least it does on me. It's a pain in the butt, and an inconvenience, and makes me feel like crap, but it forces me to see people and situations as they really are, not as I wish they were. A reality check, so to speak. Those little "aha moments" can be emotionally painful, but they are necessary. And for some reason my clearest emotional moments occur when my body is at its weakest.

Knock on wood…I am fortunate to be as relatively healthy as I have been (especially as overweight as I was and the neglectful way I've treated my body.) As I get older, I suspect it will be harder to shake off these viruses and other things as they arise. I hope I can learn from this week, and if/when more serious illness happens, I can endure it with strength and grace, as some of my friends and family members have done.

Cough, cough! I hope you all are keeping well!