Week 11, Day 3: Personal Responsibility, or I'm The Boss Of Me

The past two cohort meetings have centered around personal responsibility; both admitting why we got fat and dealing with the times that we slip (and we all will, sooner or later). Someday, something will weaken my resolve and I'll have to work that out when the time comes.

I made myself fat. No one held me down and stuffed food down my throat. If someone made me feel bad, and I reacted by eating a bag of cookies to make myself feel better, that's on me. The other person didn't do it TO me.

That being said, our facilitator, J (our regular leader, N, was absent that night) talked about the Failure Cycle and the Success Cycle.  If I'm on the Failure Cycle, I think negative thoughts, don't track my calories, don't exercise, eat too much and gain weight. On the Success Cycle I pick myself up, I acknowledge that I slipped, write it down in my food journal, then keep on tracking and exercising and making good choices.

The emotions on the Failure Cycle are depression, anger, frustration and powerlessness.
The emotions on the Success Cycle are awareness, commitment and self-forgiveness.

But the trick with self-forgiveness is not to make excuses for myself, or justify my actions. It is to acknowledge my mistake, write it down so I don't forget, and move on.

J also talked with us about "black and white thinking", or extremism, where things are good or bad, on or off. Food isn't good or bad, it's just food. I am in control; I choose what to eat or not eat.

When I was growing up, wasting food was tantamount to sinning. My parents were born during the Great Depression; then when they were children, World War II broke out. My father lived in England and my mother in Scotland, and food was rationed (when it was even available).

In our house, we didn't throw food away. My mother cooked healthy and balanced meals, and my parents never got fat (my father is 82 and has always been thin). My brothers and I were on the slim-to-average side because we ran around a lot and didn't get much candy, or any fast food to speak of.

One time, when my brother and I were teenagers, we threw a few eggs at another kid's house. We were found out, of course, and my father was more upset about the wasted eggs than he was about the vandalism.

I gained weight later, much later, after I was older and had been out of the family home for many years. I visited my father the other day, and he told me that he no longer worries about throwing excess food away. He said, "I used to think it was terrible to do that. But it will do no harm to the garbage can, and it might do some real harm to me."

Truer words were never spoken.

Someone brought some Marini's walnut fudge to the office the other day. There was one little piece left, and it would be a shame to let it go to waste.

Of course I didn't eat it! You guys know me better than that! :)

But...boy, for a minute I sure thought about it!

I'm in control. I'm in charge here. I'm the boss of me.

It has occurred to me that it's time for me to go out into the world and look for activity partners who want to live in a positive, life-affirming, healthy way. There is a yoga studio about a mile from my home, and I haven't been to a yoga class in about three years. Maybe it's time to try again.

I love this blog because I can share my ideas.  I'd love to talk with you about yours! Please share, either by PM or in comments.